Father's day

Today is Father's day. It has always been bittersweet for me.Up until I got married, it was just another day to me. My earthly father was never much of a dad and I've struggled all my life with the thought that he never really cared. On December 1st 2006 my dad suffered a heart attack and laid in the hosptial untill December 16th 2006. He passed away before I could get there. A few days before he passsed I was sitting in his room just watching him. I had the most overwelming feeling that brought me to tears. As I looked at him, I realized that this man that was my father was really a total stranger to me. I knew very little about him and I have very few memories with him. I began to think back on the first time I ever laid eyes on him I was 8 yrs old. and my mother had tracked him down because I was crying wanting to know who he was. I remember that phone call more clearly that I would like. I overheard my mom telling him, "Tom, I don't want nothing from you, no money, nothing, but I'm begging you to just be a daddy to her" Didn't seem to hard, but he couldn't even do that. Over the next 40 yrs he was in and out of my life. He would come around for a couple of weeks, then I might not see him again for 3-4 yrs. My children were born and they never called him grand-pa. It saddened me to know that no matter what I did, I couldn't make him come around. I have come to understand, he loved me the only way he knew how. I have also shed many tears that on this side of heaven I will never know the man he was inside. Other than he was a loner, made beauitful wood working projects, and didn't want much to do with anyone. That about sums it up!! I have 4 half sisters that didn't know him any better than I did. I wonder as my father laid dying, if the thought occured to him that he had 5 daughter's, 9 grandchildren that he never got to know. Life passes much to quickly not to make every moment with loved ones count. I still have much healing to do on this.